I just need to write
I am extremely depressed right now and its killing me to feel this way. I was never the type of person to really express my feelings to anyone. I got in trouble for crying as a child. I always felt like it made me weak. So I hold everything in. But today, it all just… came out. I couldnt hold it in anymore. A life time of pain kept inside of me. It found its way out of me.
And I didnt just cry, I sobbed. I sobbed for my mother. Sobbed for my childhood. Sobbed for my little sister. I emptied my anguish into my favorite pillow until my voice was nearly gone.
Now i am sitting here, smoking a cigarette, eyes swollen and red from a night of crying. A night of praying for strength— and I am hardly a religious person. It felt good to cry. I felt relieve in way, but I also felt very weak. I don’t know how to shake this feeling…
I need a fucking therapist.